Lil said I would probably swim across a shark-infested river if there was a bacon sandwich on the other side, and Hannah
said she didn't think sharks lived in rivers, but she thought I would probably have a go at swimming across a river full of piranhas, and I said that they were both being very silly
and that, in fact, I would swim across a river of boiling lava full of piranhas and sharks if there was a bacon sandwich on the other side, and as long as I could be sure it hadn't got burnt by the lava - I don't like my bacon over-cooked.
...As we were walking past the tall reeds a
really weird screamy noise came from inside the middle of them. We all stopped
in our tracks. I thought ‘AARGH!! SCARY GHOST SAXON MONSTER!!’ We stood listening for a bit
but the noise didn’t happen again. I said it had sounded like Lil when she’s seen a spider in the bath – a kind of high pitched ‘Ueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Ueeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Hannah said it was the noise I make when Lil
rugby tackles me without warning. Then Lil rugby tackled me without warning and
I think the noise I made was more like ‘ooooophhhherrrrrrrraarrrghhhoooowwwwwwww!!!’ so Hannah was wrong and
looked very silly…
...Mum said we all had to do a drawing of what we thought the Abbey church would've looked like when it wasn't a ruin - she drew the archway on three different paper napkins and said the person who drew the best one would get a prize.
Here are the three drawings - no prizes for guessing which is mine.
Mum did her usual 'fair' thing of giving us each a £1 - she said Lil's was the most artistic, Hannah's was the most historically accurate, and mine was the most, er...
i m a g i n a t i v e .
...Lil said she was as cold as an icicle on a glacier in the North Pole. I said I was as cold as an icicle on a glacier in the North Pole that was stuck in a sheet of ice, and Hannah said she was as cold as an icicle on a glacier in a sheet of ice in Antarctica where those penguins live. I said aha, I'm as cold as an icicle on a glacier stuck in a sheet of ice in Antarctica under a penguin's bottom, and Hannah said that would be quite warm, and I said that penguins' bottoms were known for being cold, with all that sitting around in snow blizzards. She was about to put me right but luckily just then all the rooks suddenly lifted up into the sky at the same time...
I can see the point of tigers and dogs, and trees – and maybe ants. But what on earth is the point of the fungus called Stinkhorn? It looks very rude for one thing, which is really embarrassing, but also it SMELLS!! It smells like the worst smell you can imagine but ten times worse!! Believe me, once you’ve smelt a Stinkhorn you will NEVER trust a mushroom again.
Flowers smell nice to attract bees, so what the heck are Stinkhorns trying to attract? Zombies?
Knees! Who invented them? My Dad wore shorts this week and I suddenly noticed how silly his knees are – they bulge like an ostrich that’s swallowed a football. And as hairy as a caterpillar. Then I noticed that EVERYBODY’s knees are really silly. Have a look at the knees of the next person you meet.
See what I’m saying?
I thought this the other day after visiting the Henry Blogg Museum in Cromer. I mean, Blogg’s Blog is obvious.
Blogg’s blog. If you say that a few times you sound a bit stupid (especially if someone is listening). In fact, Blogg is a silly word and not the kind of name you’d expect for a hero. He should have been called something like Neptune Formidable (pronounced Formid-arrrr-bluh). Or Horatio Swashbuckle.
Why does Blogg sound funny?
I was thinking about this important question after we visited the lost village at Houghton-on-the-Hill. The people who lived there ages ago were all killed by the Black Death. To make things worse, they had no TV.
So that got me wondering: would medieval peasants choose the Black Death if they could have TV as well, OR would they prefer to get rid of the Black Death, but NEVER have any TV?
Who's glad we have TV, and who's glad we don't have the Black Death?
Have you seen how many hieroglyphics you need to spell his name ??!! (you can see them in Swaffham Museum)
He must have got called something for short. Toots? Tooty? Tutti-frutti?
Which reminds me: there’s a punch line to a joke which is ‘Toot-and-come-in.’
What on earth was the first line??
We went to Grimes Graves at the weekend and it got me thinking: was it more fun in the Stone Age? There was no school and you could mess about with camp fires every night and go hunting with sharp sticks.
On the other hand , you had to go down a deep pit and crawl about in tunnels, and hack flint out with a deer antler, with only a candle to light your way, and the possibility that the roof would fall in and suffocate you at any moment. Plus there were no doctors or x-box.
But NO SCHOOL!!!
I can't decide. What would you choose?